What is love? How can I try to define it, when it has grabbed me by the neck and shook me so I can't see straight anymore? I will try.
It happened the other day. I was talking to a boy I know... hmm... actually I have known him for almost two months already, but for some reason we have just never talked. I mean, really talked, not the usual small talk, but talked about what's really important to us, like, about our basic values and so on. It happened when we had been to a party. Not one of the noisy deafening parties, but just a nice quiet party where we would have a bit to eat, and talk and dance if we felt like it. And suddenly I was talking to this boy, Lucas is his name, and we found that we were really in sync! We could talk about anything without feeling silly. I think this is really important for a relationship. We will meet again next Tuesday at 11 in the chat. He lives rather far away, so we have to meet like this until he can come to visit me. I hate distance for taking him from me. Oh, I hope it doesn't ruin everything!

A Personal note from Jakob:
Well, it finally happened for Rachel. She fell in love. And if anybody deserved it, it was her. Sometimes it can be hard always trying to do the right thing, but for some reason nobody notices you. It is so much easier to notice noisy but shallow people. And with love, shallow is never good. It's too easy to put all the good things you would like for in a partner into a shallow person - there is nothing to tell you that you are wrong! But what is love, then? It's fairly easy to define:
Love is the single most important feeling in the human universe. Love is being there for another human being, being there completely and without hesitation. It's talking and communicating, sharing special moments, sharing everyday life and boring Sundays. It is loving each other at the parties, when everything is fine, and being there during the dull and grey weekdays, thus making them even more colourful than the largest party spent away from your Love. Love is slowly getting to know all about this wonderful other human being. It is knowing your Love's past and accepting it, it is cherishing the gift it is to be together in the present, and it's knowing that no matter what happens, you will be there in the future.
Love is, narrowed to a very basic word, a question of trust. It is letting go and trusting this other person. It is not being afraid that what you say will be passed on to others. It's knowing that your Love will not laugh at you or think you're silly when you talk about your doubts and fears, because we all have doubts and fears! And once you trust your Love, once you know that what he or she tells you is the complete truth, once you know that your Love will not leave you should you become fat and old, should you get paralysed and blind, then you are free ! It sounds so simple, and anyone who have felt like this will agree - it is the best feeling in the world!
This is love. But there is a difference between being in love and falling in love!
When you fall in love, you create a make-believe picture of your dream love, and you place this picture on top of the person you have fallen in love with. You are closing your eyes to all the small imperfections, ignoring the situations in which you don't agree, and pretending that you are happy with every part of the person you love. No person can ever live up to such expectations! And once the picture cracks, and you start to see the real person you are with, then you will have to see if you truly fit together as well as you imagined. This is falling in love.
But, oh, love ! It is amazing! Love is the thrill of getting to know another human being, it is the wonder of realising that this other person loves you so completely for being the one you are ! And it is knowing that you love him or her just as much. Love is seeing all the small imperfections and loving them all, love is realising that you are not the same as your Love, and it's feeling blessed that you don't agree all the time - love is the day when you wake up next to your Love and you think to yourself: "I have everything I need right here next to me. I don't wish for more, but for this to last for the rest of my life". Love is being happy with every part of your Love, for without all these parts of the wonderful mosaic, your Love would not be your love. Love is talking, making special surprises for each other, kissing, hugging, making love. Love is being able to understand each other even though you don't speak the same language. It is learning to read your Love's language and understanding it. Boys: It is listening to your love - to what she says, but also to what she says ! This is not hard if only you know how to listen.
Love is all this, and so much more!

But the rest you will learn as you move along. If you have met your Love, you will know what I mean. And if you haven't yet:
Don't become shallow! Don't try to change into a flat caricature of a person. Be yourself, be honest to yourself, be open and thoughtful, have dreams and hopes and guard them with your life. They are what makes you special ! And don't ever, ever, think that nobody will love you for the one you are! You are a very special person, you are something unique. And even if you are not the centre of all parties, even if you prefer a cup of hot chocolate to following fashion every day, even if you dare to be you and not what others try to make you, so what ? The one for you is out there, looking for you at this very moment! I know it for a fact. Just be open, don't be naïve, don't leave your heart unguarded, but be open, and you will meet the One.

Love is blind... so give Her a chance to find you!

Comments:

Okay, that's one way of looking at it...
You're brilliant...
Love in the chat...
Comment on chat love...
Cheating girlfriend...
My own fault...?
Great work...
About love, sex and cheating... (poem)
Butterflies in the stomach...
If you leave me... (poem)
I know him by heart (poem)
Comment on love
Message for R.J
When You least expect it
Out of sight, out of mind
Comment on "Out of sight..."
Just another loser with false dreams...

"Okay, that's one way of looking at it.
But you make it sound like the Only One is one person. I don't think it is, for what if that person lives on the other side of the Earth, will you not get a chance to experience Love then? I think, that the Only One is an emotion, and the reason why so many people don't experience this emotion is because they are afraid of letting the emotion get close to them. The Only One is a strong emotion, that penetrates and fills you up to the point where there's no space left inside of you. Should this emotion stop for some reason - due to death or because the other part of the relationship didn't return it. It is hard to get over the Only One - and perhaps you are not willing to let another into your life again.
Well, that's about it."

"Why, Jakob... you're brilliant...
Actually you're completely right!!!
Simply... BRILLIANT!!!"

"Well... what can you say after having read Jakob's comment? You really say EVERYTHING about the nature of love... yes, I can only agree, because I am one of the lucky ones who HAVE experienced it, and actually is experiencing it right now... and as you say, the Only One is out there somewhere, and if he or she lives in another country or just another part of your country, well, that's what's the Internet is there for. Perhaps some of you have the opinion that it's not possible to find TRUE love on the Net. Well, that's your way of looking at it, but I KNOW that it's possible. Around 1½-2 years ago, I thought that I would never meet HIM. But then I got access to the Internet, and my sister lured me to chat. And there HE was. I logged on, said "Hi" and HE answered. I knew from that very second, the HE was the one I wanted. You have probably all heard about love at first sight, this was just love at first word. Now we live together and our lives just keep getting more and more beautiful with every day that passes. So just surf on, go partying, go travelling, for you'll never know - suddenly the Only One stands right there in front of you, maybe already today at the supermarket when you buy your groceries... just wait and see, and don't let the chance pass you by, because you don't know what you will be missing..."

"Comment for T.N.
Actually I don't believe in Love by Net. Yes, sure you can keep touch by it, but ... But I am sure that Love need more than just chatting. I mean, you need to know more about the person than just the words she/he tells you in the chat. It is so easy to pretend they're somebody else when you chat to talkers with experience. When you have known him/her longer and you have seen him/her in the real life and you still think that this is the Only One, then ... I keep my fingers crossed.
P.S. Perhaps I am old and cynical, sorry for that. "

"Well put... Very well, actually. You do have a way with words.
But, shit - to have seen your unborn children in her eyes, to have woken up next to her after a hard night in the city, with a thundering hangover, and still realise how privileged you are, to be able to cast off all trouble with a single smile from her -
- and then hear from her own mouth, that she has cheated on you with three different guys, and that she has lied about it during the last year. Try to convince yourself that you need to get back on the horse. And try to accept that there are plenty of fish in the water as your female friend keeps telling you. It doesn't just take a man. It takes super-human strength.
Sorry. I think I will go upstairs and hang out with Rebecca for a while. Or go home and hit on the cooker hood. Who knows? We might fall in love."

"The other day I was told that it's my own fault that I haven't got a boyfriend. Of course I protested loudly - love happens, it can't be planned, or can it? When I look back, it has actually happened that I have thought that I didn't have the time to have a boyfriend, and therefore I didn't do anything when I had the chance. Because I'm not sure that I want to open up my heart to a new love - it's not ready to be crushed again. It's not fun to find that the one you thought was the only one, not feels the same way about you - and the way you find out is by catching him red-handed. But it's not fun to be single either, not anymore - to go partying and walk home alone. I hope the Only One is there for me too, and he's very welcome to come knocking soon."

"great work, it's wonderfull."

"About love and sex and cheating.

E4

I slept with some guys a lot
we had love but also pain
Though they were crazy and hot
I had to run fast away

I had sex only once with him
or couple of times I don't know
I really don't care about Jim
(I can't remember his name for now)

Another one loved The Science
not me, just his books
He hates sex and violence
(and avoids it with his look)

That blonde boy with long hair
was gentle but we never talked
It wasn't actually fair
I wanted love he just to walk

So what should I do
with all of these Dicks?
To marry and know
that all men are old pigs...?"

"Why, I really agree with you! Love is definitely about trust, openess, about daring, mutual respect and appreciation etc. It can be hard to appreciate the other person's small strange things, but if you reach that point then love is the best that can happen to us humans! I have tried it all. I have tried the unreturned love, the cheating boyfriend, but also the beautiful, returned love. Right now I have the most wonderful boyfriend, I actually think that he's "my Only One"... he still puts butterflies in my stomach. He's the sun in my clouded sky, the ripples in my pond and so on. To put it short: He makes me happy, and I'm finally able to relax and ride the wave of true emotions!!
To you, who right now don't believe in love.... it will come to you as well. One day you will once again meet someone to whom you dare show your feelings. Believe me!! But it takes time. It took me 8 years before I was ready to experience true love again!!"

"If you leave me

If you leave me
Then do it quickly, swiftly
and without false pretence
Leave me with one blow
severing all connections
Leave me in a void
from which it's only possible to climb upwards

(But?
You could risk staying down there and never make it up again
Perhaps it's too hard after all?
I will ask you something else)

If you leave me
Then do it soft and gentle, and not suddenly and violently
Shocking and paralysing
Do it soft and gentle and preferably in small stages
Slowly - so I can get used to the thought

(But?
It will be unpleasant anyway
Painful
So why prolong the pain?
Yes, why put yourself in that situation?
I think I've got it?)

Leave me early
Leave me in my youth before we get to know each other
At a party where we both are
Let me meet someone else in stead of you, if you're going to leave me anyway
Leave me in my childhood on an early sunny morning with all the cattle in the fields
And I'm still just a little girl
Playing ind a box of sand

Oh, Dear
I think I'll die if you will leave me
Bring me along
Can't you just bring me along if you leave me?

Is that the Only One?"

"I know him by heart
There’s a secret path I follow
To a place no one can find
Where I meet my perfect someone
I’ve kept hidden in my mind
Where my heart makes my decisions
´Till my dream becomes a vision
and the love I feel
Makes him real someday

Cause I know he’s out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though we’ve never been together
We’ve never been apart
No we’ve never meet
Haven’t found him yet
But I know him by heart

Am I living an illusion?
Wanting something I can’t see
If I compromise, I’d be living lies
Pretending love’s not ment to be
Cause I know my heart’s worth saving
And I know that he’ll be waiting
So I’ll hold on and I’ll stay strong ´till then

Cause I know he’s out there somewhere
Just beyond my reach
Though I’ve never really touched him
Or ever heard him speak
Though we’ve never been together
We’ve never been apart

No we’ve never met
Haven’t found him yet
But I know him by heart
No we’ve never met
Haven’t found him yet
But I know him by heart

I can't call it my own work, but that still doesn't mean that I can't feel exactly like this - when I find a poem or a text that expresses my feelings 100%."

" I like to comment on the subject of love. Maybe because I don't fit in any particular mode I have not found it. I had it once but it was a mess. You know what is sad, if you are not attractive you will never really have love. You get a taste of it but is it love? No, it's a settlement. A compromise. I hope to God one day I find love. The one that is endless. Until then I surrounds myself with pain and tears that never seep the pores of my face but drip like acid on my heart. I pray to those who found love not to waste it keep it in your heart for it will make your life in this world a better place."

" A message for R.J
Sure love does require some physical attraction, but just because the tv and magazines don't define you as attractive, doesn't mean you aren't the most beautiful person to someone somewhere. I know that I myself find quite a few women that I see everyday in the town I live in more attractive than any magazine cover girl I've ever seen, a certain cashier at super one, a girl named chantelle that I would really like to get to know better, an unpopular girl named Jenny that no one used to like that I dated before I moved away from her. And on the other hand their are people that are considered attractive by many but only alright, at best, to me. So you have to remember that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and your 'Only One', as the people here seem to like to call it, will probably have a fat fetish if you're overweight, find your scraggly appearance endearing if that's the problem, think that your dry, unruly, and constantly disshelved hair is more attractive than a glimmering neatly combed fashionable hair style, etc. etc."

" Love comes when you least expect it. If you walk around in your own private cocoon - and think to much about why you don't find love... well, then you won't find it. But it's important to give it a chance, because otherwise you will lose the chance.
I have just returned home after a moth of work in the summer, and this time with a much better cargo than the usual very sore feet and the not so empty bank account. This time I also had a boyfriend. And I hadn't met him at a discoteque or while being drunk, but while I was completely sober, working at the beach. He looked straught through my work clothes (which are not pretty), past the ugly hair and straight to my inside. I'm so in love, but not as much as he is - but I'm a slow starter. Like R.J., I thought that love is only connected to the physical things - but this is not true. Not at all.
Give it a chance - but don't be desperate."

" Dear Rachel,
Remember the old saying "out of sight, out of mind". It is true from time to time. I had a girlfriend through 20 months, but she moved 150 kms away. "It will be allright", I thought... but it didn't. She broke up after finding someone else, who she of course spent a lot of time with. I don't know if it sounds too cynical, but in this situation she was home free: She could "afford" to break up, because she had found another...
Of course I was very sad, but now, nine months later, I have moved on. After all, she lives far away, so I don't see her. She is not there to rip up the old wound.
It's all about moving on....
As one of my really good friends told me: If it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.
And I am, as far as I know, still alive.
But Rachel, be an optimist. I hope it lasts!"

" I just read one of the comments.... It was something about "out of sight, out of mind...". I really don't hope so! In that case, my situation right now would look rather hopeless. My lovely boyfriend (the first one in my life I think of as "the only one") has gone on an 8 month trip around the globe.... how can you survive this, if you don't believe in trust and mutual respect all 24 hours a day? Of course it's hard, but it's definitely worth fighting for. I can't wait until he will be back home again. And I am so happy for the emails he can send once in a while. The only positive in my current situation is that I realise how much I love him!!! Has anyone of you out there tried to live without your boy- or girlfriend for a longer period of time, then write and tell us about the result. Maybe it can make me feel better????"

" Well... I have depression, that was set on by another person. We were at a "camp," a computer "camp"... I would talk to her, and i really got to know her... we could talk about almost anything that I wouldn't even talk about with my best friend (oh wait... I don't have any friends, that I can trust at least) without even worring. After the classes in the camp one day, we went to a movie together... that night we held hands, talked (whispered... but still) and it was really the first good thing that had ever happened to me. I felt like I could just let this person know anything... be it a small opinion, or something that is very upseting to talk about, I could talk about with her... I felt like the next year was going to be the best year I had.. I mean hey... even though we didn't call eachother gf/bf... it sort of felt like it was mutual... I thought I might have confidence the next year to alow people to see through my geeky loserly shell, maybe make a friend.. but alas... Sometime before the summer ended I called her, and asked her if she wanted to see a movie, but the answer was "[long break, and sighing] then, I just want things to be like they were" wherupon she hung up on me.. after this it sent me into a endless pit of increasing depression. It's like, I think I litteraly was in love with her.. but I think that love was unreturned... Perhaps, if I had more experince in the "dating world" I would have been able to pursue it further, and maybe now there is a chance... but how could that be? How could I get a chance when all I get is shit fed to me whenever I talk. People refuse to talk to me, even if it is just asking a simple question, and aschew me whenever I go near... So, if I could get a responce on this, how the hell could I get anyone to see me.

Some of these messages were eye openers... They added a few rungs to the ladder in the hole of depression, something to reach and strive for. But, reading posts isn't going to build rungs at a speed faster then the speed I am falling. So that is why I ask, and I need, this advice..."